RANMA KILLS THE TAKAHASHI UNIVERSE!!!!!
by WFROSE
Summary: Man, am I gonna get *so* flamed for this!!! ^_^ (Complete)
1. Prologue

RANMA KILLS THE TAKAHASHI UNIVERSE!!!!  
Prologue  
  
  
Ranma gritted his teeth as sweat beaded his face, this was beyond a doubt, the worst challenge he had ever had to face. Ryoga, heh, a pushover. Happosai, next in line, please. Tarou, a light workout. Herb was a heavy contender, that was cool. Saffron was nothing to take in stride. The Old Ghoul knew a thing or two that if she got serious, Ranma could possibly fall short of the challenge.  
  
But this; a Super-strong absolutely perverted flying beast demon boasting insane levels of chi and an extreme God Complex with extensive knowledge of Amazon techniques...  
  
"FUCKING GIVE ME A BREAK!!!!!!" Ranma yelled, backing away fearfully from the Demon that challenged him.  
  
"MUAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!" The creature laughed while waving it's rowboat oar that it used as a deadly weapon menacingly, "I, the demon of the week, shall crush you into a jelly that I do not feel like being exceptionally descriptive with, but take note that it will not be a pleasant jelly that you would use on toast!"  
  
"Uh, you know I'll win anyhow in the end, finding some weakness to exploit that will give me a meager chance, allowing me that one in a million opportunity to come out on top, once again proving that Ranma Saotome can't be kept down. So, can you, like, just go away?" Ranma asked nervously.  
  
"I'm afraid for dramatic and story filling purposes, we shall have to engage in a climatic battle that will awe anyone who reads an accounting of this match until they come to a chapter when you have to face an even more powerful being." The Demon said logically, after all it's just sound storytelling.  
  
Ranma whined, "You mean they get stronger?" The demon nodded resigningly, it had to pity the kid somewhat.  
  
The battle was indeed intense, Ranma was immediately the underdog, and found it rather difficult to gain any sort of advantage. All the pigtailed martial artist's rivals and friends looked on with grim faces, all of them knowing that Ranma would come out on top, but all had a unified thought running within them.  
  
"Better you than me, Ranma."  
  
Ranma whimpered at the forty-second Buick-sized chi attack that he was forced to dodge, while evading the miniature Hiryuu Shoten Haas that were littering the battlefield. It wasn't fair; he could only manage one at a time..  
  
"THIS BATTLE HAS DRAWN OUT TO COVER TWO CHAPTERS, IT IS NOW TIME FOR ME TO UNLEASH MY MOST POWERFUL, FINAL TECHNIQUE!!!" The Demon named Shieng Tengoukinokaminokyouseizenryoku, which loosely translated to 'You're royally screwed."  
  
"Your...most...powerful...final...technique?" Ranma whispered, and then began to giggle maniacally. Knowing that this was the time for Ranma to show his true power and overcome, almost everyone took a step back, and then another step, and then another. Finally they said 'screw this' and ran for the hills. Everyone, except for one had left to watch things from a safe distance of another country, all except Akane Tendou. She had faith that Ranma would win, that she would be protected too by her fiancée. Everyone said Nabiki had more than her fair share the brains of the family; Akane had given up her portion too freely. She would have to cripple the pigtailed boy for taking so long and laughing like a frigg'n idiot in the middle of a dramatic climax, though.  
  
"FINAL ATTACK; GREAT BIG TERRIBLE BLAST THINGY!!!!!" Everything went white...  
  
Ranma dug himself up out of the rubble, glad that his suddenly inspired new technique that managed to save him from certain death (which actually happened to be a freak distortion in reality where he was folded into space into another dimension ruled by apes where he liberated what was left of the meager human race, and then returned back to his dimension with his memory wiped). And turned to see Akane's cloths clinging to a charred skeleton.  
  
"NO! AKANE!!!!!" Ranma rushed up to the charred pile of bones, and attempted to pick them up, but found they were too hot. He waited a half hour for them to cool down before cradling his dead fiancée's bones to him, "No, Akane, I couldn't have lost you again. I wish you were alive, if I could only tell you," Ranma's tears kept falling, "I really, really was going to tell you that I loved you, to your face, eventually... really." Ranma sobbed in heart-wrenched agony.  
  
"Uh, that's nice, Ranma, but..."  
  
Ranma waved the voice off, how rude for them to spoil such a dramatic moment, "Now I'll never have the chance, I've lost you, for real this time..."  
  
"Ranma... I'm right here," Akane called out from the wall she had dove behind before the final attack, apparently she had faith in Ranma, but her instinct for self-preservation would not leave her the hell alone. She had decided that she could have faith in Ranma from behind something sturdy.  
  
The demon, we'll call him S.T. for short, walked up to Ranma to console him, "If it's any consolation, I feel your pain."  
  
"HEY, YOU JERK! I'M RIGHT HERE!!!" Akane screamed out, "Honestly, it was just Sayuri who had happened to walk by at a vital moment, she was borrowing some clothes," Akane sighed, "Poor Sayuri."  
  
Ranma's eyes burned with Hell forged fury, "You... feel my pain?"  
  
"Well, I *am* an empathic demon. I kinda get off on it," S.T. replied casually.  
  
"DAMN YOU!" Ranma yelled, he felt he had to verbally lash out; it was just too much to bear.  
  
"That was uncalled for," S.T. admonished, and then fell dead from the massive slash that went through his chest.  
  
"Really, Ranma, you're overreacting," Akane rolled her eyes at her fiancée's melodrama.  
  
"I'm... overreacting?" Ranma's eyes burned with Hell forged fury. "DAMN YOU!" Ranma turned around and yelled, he felt he had to verbally lash out; it was just too much to bear. He blinked his eyes as he stared at Akane's lifeless but surprised eyes that were still in the head that was detached from her body.  
  
"AKANE!!!! NO!!!!!" Ranma screamed out, and ran up to cradle is fiancée's body and head, clumsily trying to hold the head in place with her body. He then blinked, and turned to look at the skeleton, and then back at the body he was holding, and then back at the skeleton. After an instance of contemplation, he shrugged.  
  
"No, Akane, I couldn't have lost you again, for the second time today, I mean. I wish you were alive, if I could only tell you," Ranma's tears kept falling, "I really, really was going to tell you that I loved you, to your face, eventually... really." Ranma sobbed in heart-wrenched agony.  
  
Cologne was the first to approach Ranma, "Son-in-Law, I understand your grief, and I'm sorry. But it's best to move on.  
  
"Move... on?" Ranma repeated, disbelieving of what the old Ghoul had said.  
  
"Well, no time like the present, and I'm pretty sure Shampoo will be more than happy to accommodate you."  
  
Ranma's eyes burned with Hell forged fury. Cologne had to gasp when Ranma vanished from in front of her using the Umisenken, the last thoughts on her mind, "Hmm, good technique, excellent form, though he needs to work on the ghosting effect a bit more."  
  
"Ranma, you just killed Cologne!" Mousse gasped in horror.  
  
"Well, duh," Ranma replied with a half lidded stare.  
  
"Akane was right, you are being melodramatic," Ryoga huffed. He wanted to get the part where he attempts to take apart his rival in a furious battle in order to avenge Akane.  
  
"Being... melodramatic?" Ranma repeated, eyes burning with Hell forged fury... 


	2. Chapter 1 'Here's Ranma, the Homacidal M...

RANMA KILLS THE TAKAHASHI UNIVERSE!!!!  
  
  
Ranma calmly strode into the principles office, catching Koucho Kuno slightly off guard.  
  
"Er, welcome to da big Kahuna's hut, Ranma m'boy! You come fo da school regulation high top fade haircut?" The principle of Furinkan quickly finished applying his tan in a bottle evenly to his face.  
  
"Er, no," Ranma replied casually, "I kinda came to tell you that I'm gonna be dropp'n outta school for a time."  
  
"Eh? Oooooh, you not be doin' dat! Keiki." the principle leaned over his wicker desk to glare at Ranma menacingly through his shades.  
  
"It's important! Well, Akane's dead..." Ranma stated the last part quietly, looking down in sorrow.  
  
"Eh? Akane ded?" the principle replied, shocked, "I guess I don' demerit her for bein' tardy."  
  
"Well, that's why I gotta go. I need to leave to prevent this from happening ever again," Ranma stated with resolve.  
  
"Uh? How waihini go'n die again?" Kuno asked, slightly puzzled.  
  
"No, I mean, to prevent another unnecessary death like Akane's from ever happening again. All the super powered beings an' weirdoes an' perverts an' idiots an' one-dimensional characters... I haveta get rid of them all."  
  
"Dat sound'n good 'n all, but da big Kahuna not be lett'n you leave," the principle's face firmed, "Or else you be punished."  
  
"Oh?" Ranma blinked, he thought his request was quite reasonable.  
  
"Oh be right! Now, you ready for yo high top fade?" Koucho Kuno smiled a toothy smile, as he brandished a pair of hair sheers.  
  
Ranma cocked his head slightly, "Those are some nice scissors..."  
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Nabiki stared, wide eyed, at the carnage. She had wisely decided that it would be best to spend the night at a friend's, preferably one that Ranma didn't know about, after witnessing Ranma's maddened malicious murder melee of a multitude of Nerima's most elite not to mention masterful martial artists. Akane's death hit him pretty hard!  
  
When she had seen Ranma leave for school this morning, she decided to check up on the rest of her family, to find out how they were doing with the grief of losing their youngest.  
  
They weren't grieving.  
  
Kasumi held her radiant smile, while her father cried no tears. That would be rather unusual, if not for the fact that Kasumi's serene smile now started under her chin and went ear to ear, while her father's tear ducts had been carved out of his face. She managed to hold breakfast down, until she saw Mr. Saotome...  
  
Nabiki rushed upstairs to pack a few things, get her emergency plane ticket, and gather the money she had stored in her room for emergencies  
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The students looked up at the sound of the intercom speaker starting up.  
  
"Attention, every... hold a sec, will ya...?"  
  
All the student's blinked, as they heard the sounds of screams over the comm., a few meaty tearing sounds, and a familiar voice's subdued 'ew'.  
  
"Sorry 'bout that," the voice stated sheepishly over the intercom, "There will be a mandatory assembly at the next bell, there is something very important I gotta discuss with all of you. That will be all. Heh, I always wanted to say that."  
  
Every student looked at each other curiously, that was Ranma's voice.  
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"Hello everyone, I understand you all want to know what this is all about," Ranma stated calmly on the podium onstage. He nodded as several murmurs were heard from the audience.  
  
"It is to my great regret, that I haveta inform you all that... Akane's dead," Ranma bowed his head in silent grief, while whispers got louder among the students.  
  
"HEY! LET'S HAVE A MOMENT OF PEACE FOR THE DEARLY DEPARTED!!!!" Ranma screamed out, boy were these people inconsiderate! His fiancée just died, for crying out loud!  
  
The whole student body went silent at Ranma's outburst. How inconsiderate of them to gossip over the poor guy's grief!  
  
After a minute, Ranma perked up cheerfully, "Akane's unpleasant demise has given me new focus on life. I, Saotome Ranma of the Saotome Anything Goes School of Martial Arts, vow to ensure that her death does not go in vain! I shall make it my life mission to rid the world of the following..." Ranma pulled out a long list written on toilet paper, and began reciting, "Perverts, lechers, weirdoes, freaks, demons, uncute tomboys... hold on, check that, old ghouls, fanged and directionally challenged... oh scratch that, taken care of. Where was I? Chinese nationals with hair care products for names, Hawaiian obsessed... damn, I gotta revise this list..."  
  
As Ranma kept going, the student body became more uncomfortable. Ranma was acting rather peculiar, but no one dared speak out.  
  
"Left handed trapeze artists, Dojo destroyers, Old ladies who pointlessly water their walkways, the Jackson family exept for Janet (she's kinda cute), damn obsessive okonomiyaki chefs who won't accept friendship as an answer... whoops.., the entire former cast of Seinfeld... I'm missing part of my list," Ranma bypassed the microphone and shouted out, "HEY! ANYBODY SEEN THE OTHER PART OF MY LIST?" Ranma scrunched his face in irritation, and then tossed the unrolled length of sanitation paper behind him.  
  
"Anyhow, let's move on. Due to recent tragedy of the loss of Akane, and my recent vow," Ranma took a drink of the glass of water that was on the podium before continuing, "I regret that I haveta inform ya that I must kill you all."  
  
The whole student body blinked in unison.  
  
"Any attempt at escape has been attended to, as all exits have been blocked and secured."  
  
The whole student body blinked in unison again.  
  
"Uh, you can all start screaming now," Ranma gave his permission.  
  
The whole audience screamed and attempted to scatter. Ranma nodded in satisfaction, and then leapt into the fray. Over the cries of terror, Ranma's shouts of "If you wouldn't quit squirming, I wouldn't have to try so many times' and 'Geez, this stain's never going to come out' could be heard every so often. Ranma thought to himself that not everyone was at fault in the auditorium, not all of them were perverts or weirdoes, or even had enough of a starring role to be considered 'one-dimensional'...  
  
Oh well, gut them all, and let the Kami sort them out.  
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Nabiki stepped into the taxi, and signaled for the driver to get to Narita Airport as fast as possible.  
  
The driver blinked, and turned around to question the girl.  
  
Nabiki interrupted before he could speak, "I don't care, just drive."  
  
The cabbie shrugged, and started off.  
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An adult Miss Hinako unbarracaded the door in time to have a few of the handful of surviving students run past her, "What is going on in here?"  
  
"Oh, hey, teach, great of you to join us! The faculty meeting isn't till after lunch, though," Ranma greeted cheerfully, while swinging a poor body's skull and spine around like a battle mace, crushing anyone who got in its way.   
  
Hinako's eyes went wide at the devastation, and gasped, her mouth gasped I mean, not her eyes, "Ranma, how could..." She said that after she gasped.  
  
"Oh, it was kinda easy, you see I first..." Ranma started to explain...  
  
"DELINQUENT!!! HAPPO 5 YEN RETURN!!!!!" Ranma was sent flying back into the far wall of the auditorium.  
  
"That... wasn't very teacherly of you," Ranma muttered, trying to keep conscious. The now childish teacher moved in for the kill.  
  
"HAPPO 50 YEN SAITSU"  
  
Hearing the name of the technique being called out, Ranma had to think fast. As Hinako reached 'go', Ranma grabbed the nearest mangled body he could.  
  
The energy beam was blocked by the corpse, protecting Ranma from the ki drain. Unfortunately for Ms. Hinako, it made for interesting results.  
  
The teacher screamed, as her technique found no ki to siphon, and rebounded back to her. Ranma blinked as he watched the cycle, and smiled as he idly tossed a vacuum blade to end his poor former teacher's suffering.  
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Nabiki growled; she had forgotten that Narita was forty miles on the other side of Tokyo, and traffic on highway route 51 was horrendous towards the airport. If Nabiki weren't running for her life, she would also be irritated at the extortionate cab fees.  
  
She rushed into the terminal where she would catch her plane; her ticket was redeemable for any available flight. Just a few more minutes and she would be home free.  
  
"You missed school assembly," a voice stated plainly. Nabiki's blood went ice cold as she turned around.  
  
"Ra-Ranma?"  
  
"It was mandatory too," Ranma scratched his head in confusion, "I think that meant that everyone was supposed to be there."  
  
"How, how did you get here so fast?" Nabiki gulped  
  
"Oh, by subway, they're pretty efficient, you know."  
  
Nabiki cursed herself, why didn't she think of that?  
  
"Why?" Nabiki croaked out, barely able to keep her composure, "Why are you going to kill me?" She had no fallacies of her survival, even if Airport security was to attempt to stop him, it wouldn't do any good.  
  
"Well, you're a pretty one-dimensional character. Sorry." Ranma cupped his hands to charge his Mouku Takabisha.  
  
"One-dimensional?" Nabiki screeched indignantly, temporarily forgetting her mind-numbing fear, if the guy was going to kill her, did he have to be so insulting?  
  
"What can I say? You *are* pretty shallow, though you had shown promise at the beginning of the series. And other than a couple of focus episodes, you never developed as a character," his blue aura started to gather into his hands.  
  
"WAIT! I CAN CHANGE!!! I CAN BE A FULLY DEVELOPED PERSONALITY!" Nabiki was sobbing, remember that she was supposed to be in mind-numbing fear.  
  
Ranma pulled his hands back to launch his attack, and then allowed it to dissipate. He seemed to consider the point, "Well, you do seem pretty normal, except for that whole napkin thing..."  
  
"Exploitation is a perfectly acceptable thing in modern society," Nabiki helpfully supplied. Ranma shrugged.  
  
"I suppose so." Nabiki breathed in relief, "but I still don't see the point in keeping you around..."  
  
"Fan service?" Nabiki supplied hopefully.  
  
"Na, I just can't really picture you in a bunny suit," Ranma paused in thought, "though I guess you do wear short enough shorts..."  
  
"I can be helpful too! Really!" Nabiki flashed bright sparkly eyes at Ranma.  
  
"Well, alright, but no funny stuff, alright?" Ranma gave in; the killing mood was totally just ruined by the girl's bambi-eyes. 


	3. Chapter 2 'War is Hell'

RANMA KILLS THE TAKAHASHI UNIVERSE!!!!!  
Chapter 2  
  
  
A young schoolgirl of fifteen dangled her legs off the edge of the tall building, as she looked over the city with her companion. Her experiences in the past had been trialsome, but nonetheless rewarding. When she had first fallen into the well, she admitted that she was scared out of her wits in the strange land, and the peculiar dog-eared boy had startled her. But as time went on, they began to trust one another. After all their work to restore the Shikon Shards back to the whole, they are now able to put it all behind them.  
  
Put all of it behind them, except for one nagging feeling inside Kagome's gut. Inu Yasha had not only seemed to begin to tolerate her, he also started acting pretty nice towards her. Kagome also over time always found herself blushing at the stolen glances the half-demon gave her, and inside her chest arose an almost overwhelming feeling of hope.  
  
She stared at the young man that was staring at the setting sun next to her; maybe it was time not just to put it all behind them, but also to start something anew, "Inu Yasha?"  
  
"Hmm?" The distracted boy answered, still looking at the falling sun.  
  
"Well, IiiiIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Inu Yasha blinked, and looked down at Kagome, as she rapidly flapped her arms in a futile attempt at self-preservation.  
  
What went through the half-demon's mind at that moment was sharp and metallic.  
  
The young man resheathed his family blade and pulled out, and tapped his headset, "Nabiki, I've done away with Temporal Bunny #1 and Dog-boy," a slightly older Ranma Saotome stated into his comm. unit, "Bring the Van around front so we can clean up."  
  
"I already told you, Saotome, I'm *not* handling any more bodies," the voice at the other end stated coldly.  
  
"Oh, geez, I told ya it was just his nervous system sending him into that spontaneous moment of convulsions, he really was dead!" Ranma growled, kicking the second body off the roof.  
  
"Maybe, but you didn't have to blow his head off while I was dragging him."  
  
"Well, I had to stop you from screaming," Ranma lightly consoled.  
  
"Whatever, I'm out front. You might want to hurry in case anyone decides to investigate that scream... and I have a mop ready for you too, ew." Ranma shrugged, and went back into the roof entrance and started down the building.  
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Saotome Ranma's War Journal:  
  
It's been two years since I began the quest to avenge Akane's death. I've been pretty relentless, but I think I'm making headway. At first, Nabiki was hesitant to assist, but after a while, she started to realize how right I am, without all the freaks in the world, Akane would still be alive today, and neither of us would be on this thankless but necessary task. Since that realization, she's been a most loyal partner; securing funds for us and a few allies to cover our tracks, and not to mention her skills at information gathering and her knack for devising strategies. She's also a demon in the sack, to boot! I really don't think I coulda done it without her. I have to let her know that sometime.  
  
Oh, she did develop that personality, by the way. She chose the hard-ass indifferent female type. I know, it seemed kind of clichéd at first, but now I think it's pretty sexy. She acts like nothing fazes her, except for those rare moments. She's so cute when she screams in irrational fright.  
  
So far we've just been working on the smaller game, slowly working up to the big game. Nabiki insisted that it's best to gather information on them first, before taking them out. Sound thinking, I guess. Wouldn't do for us to go off half-cocked like I used to back in the days. Boy did that ever get me into trouble when I went to confront my Mom. Oh well, live and learn.  
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"This sucks."  
  
Murphy didn't even acknowledge his partner, Maris. It was her fault they were almost always given the most menial tasks of the Space Patrol Police Force. How was she supposed to get out of her rut of a life at home, if she had to divide her time between a space cabby and these piddly assignments?  
  
Maris the Choujo sighed, as she looked out at the red planet, "Why are we even patrolling this backwater galaxy anyway? They could have given us a *meaningful* assignment, at least." The redhead only received a glare in response.  
  
"Geez, you developed a backbone!" Maris quipped, and decided to pass the time by utilizing work only equipment for personal entertainment by tuning into any sentient broadcasts in the solar system.  
  
"Saotome Ranma and Ranko are believed to have also murdered Hatanaka Kosaku, a renowned boxer, and Sister Angela of the St. Mary's convent, once again allowing the mass serial killers to retain the title of the world's most notorious sociopath. Police have been unable to subdue this extremely dangerous..."  
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Ranma sat and observed everyone at the engagement party, grinning wistfully at the owner and tenants of where him and Nabiki were temporarily lodging. The long haired woman that somewhat reminded him of Kasumi, but with a good mix of Akane's temper, leaned happily against her fiancée. Yusaku Godai, Ranma thought his name was, blushed deeply at all the attention.  
  
Ranma mentally sighed, once upon a time, that may have been him, with a certain shorthaired violent Tomboy that he loved so much. Fate, unfortunately, deemed that he was just not meant to be happy. He also noted the shorthaired woman who also stood away from it all with a sad smile. Ranma could imagine that would have been the expression Ukyo would have worn. When the melancholy got too much for him, Ranma started to step out for some fresh air.  
  
Yotsuya watched from his hiding place, as Ranma left the room with a long face, he started to pursue in order to find out about the mysterious 'Mr. Tendou', when something caught his eye.  
  
"Hmm? What's this putty-like substance against the doorframe..."  
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Ranma sat in front of the van, and released his finger from the detonator. The sign "Maison Ikkoku" that hung in the front of the now blazing inferno clattered about two yards from him. The pigtailed man turned to Nabiki, as she calmly sipped on a milkshake as she leaned against the van.  
  
"You're right, Nabiki! That was a much more proficient way of doing it!  
  
The woman looked up from her drink to stare indifferently at the young man, "Of course, it was, now can you remove that ridiculous mustache, long-haired wig, and dark brown gi, and put out that cigarette? It's starting to give me the creeps.  
  
"Huh, I suppose," Ranma replied, removing his disguise.  
  
"Felt like I was sleeping with my Dad again."  
  
Ranma paused, and turned a hard look towards Nabiki.  
  
"I, um, I meant that I used to sleep with daddy when I was young and had nightmares." Nabiki nervously chuckled. Ranma shrugged, and let it slide, "Saotome, why did you kill them? They're eccentric, I give you that, but..."  
  
"Eh, I just got tired of all the drama. Besides, I think he shoulda ended up with Nanao."  
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"DAMN IT!" Ryoga screamed, looking at the paper that documented Ranma's most recent kills. There was nothing he could currently do about it, having been hidden away in the recently rebuilt Amazon village, training in their techniques in order to face the psycho and put an end to his bloody rampage. Every time he felt too enraged to stay, the current elder would stop him, and remind him exactly how his first encounter with Ranma went, when the pigtailed boy fell from grace.  
  
Ryoga grimaced at the burn scars that covered him, it was fortunate that Ranma's True Mouku Takabisha had blasted him into water, so it only looked like he had melted, and not transformed into his cursed form.  
  
Ever since then, Ryoga's worn two bandannas over his face to cover his hideous face. Not only would Ryoga have to avenge himself, but all those that Ranma had brutally slaughtered. He would have to get better before he could take on his hated pigtailed nemesis; there was just too much at stake.  
  
"Ranma, if it's the last thing I do, I'll send you to hell for the atrocities you have committed. I, Hibiki Ryoga, swear this to my dying breath!"  
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"So, what do we hit now?" Nabiki asked calmly, concentrating mainly on the rain slicked roads.  
  
The redhead next to her turned up from where she had been trying to get some sleep amongst the technology ridden van, "Well, we have a few more targets to deal with, and then we're gonna have to visit Tombiki."  
  
"Ah," Nabiki replied, "going to get rid of those selfish aliens, huh?"  
  
Ranma-chan sat up, and walked to the front of the van, and handed Nabiki a flyer, "Looks like King Ogre's gonna be paying a visit again, supposed to be a big celebration about it in a couple weeks."  
  
"I get you, get all the weirdoes in one area, and then methodically weed them out."  
  
Ranma nodded absently, "Uh, something like that..." 


	4. Chapter 3 'Infultration of enemy lines'

Doubletap spellchecker to the dome  
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RANMA KILLS THE TAKAHASHI UNIVERSE!!!!!  
  
  
  
  
Yuta breathed heavily through his mouth, trying to keep his stomach. In all his five hundred and some odd years, he had never seen such brutality, not even from a lost soul.  
  
The immortal man turned and fired his shotgun into the dark woods, aiming for where the rustling came from, "SHOW YOURSELF, BASTARD! I'LL KILL YOU FOR WHAT YOU DID TO MANA!!!!"  
  
"If ya ask me, you're taking this awfully personal," an agitated voice said from above him. Yuta quickly aimed upwards and fired into the tree canopies, and quickly reloaded both barrels before the second shell hit the ground.  
  
"Look, I was kinda surprised when she survived... hey man, you don't look too well."  
  
  
Yuta threw up, the images of his pursuer standing over Mana, hacking, and hacking, and hacking, and...  
  
Ranma sat and waited for his prey to get it all out of his system. He himself didn't think it was *that* bad, maybe there was a flu bug going around.  
  
"[Ranma, quit playing with him, I wanna go take a shower soon.]"  
  
"Hey! Can't you see he's grieving? I just hacked off his girlfriend's head, ya know? Sometimes you're a real frigid bitch." Ranma's face went serious at Nabiki's reply, "No, it's a single bed..."  
  
Yuta finished 'grieving' and wiped his mouth. He was rather surprised that he hadn't been killed yet, "Are you done toying with me? Bastard? Why don't you come out into the open so we can finish this?"  
  
"You know? I was trying to be a nice guy about this! It wasn't my fault she kept blocking my shots!" Nabiki pointed out that nonetheless it would have been more proficient to use something other than a thick tree branch to 'cut' off her head.  
  
"Shut up, you," Ranma replied into the comm. he was already sleeping alone tonight, so ticking her off further wasn't going to get him any worse off.  
  
"GOTCHA!" Yuta unloaded both barrels to where Ranma's voice came from, and watched several leaves and branches fall to the ground.  
  
"HEY! WATCH IT! You can hurt somebody with that thing!" The immortal's eyes widened, and turned slowly to the voice behind him; it would have been no use trying to reload his weapon now. Before he even came to full facing, Ranma swung.  
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Nabiki sighed as she read her manga, agitated by the brutal wet ripping sounds coming over the comm. unit, "For Kami's sakes, Ranma, use your sword..."  
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Ranma's War Journal  
  
By happenstance we ran into the immortals; pretty decent kids who didn't seem out of the ordinary, really. Too bad they were a couple of immortal freaks that had to be wiped from existance like a couple of plagues. Ah well, can't let personal opinion get in the way of work, you know?  
  
We've come a long way, Nabiki and I, towards completing our mission. We cut down our list, when Nabiki suggested that we change a few people over to the 'eccentric' list. Made sense, and cut down on the workload considerably. Now there's only a few left, and we can kill all the birds with one grenade.  
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'What... do you mean he went to the showers?" The last Amazon Elder sighed exasperatedly.  
  
"That's what he said, he needed to go to the men's showers again!" The scarred up but still strikingly beautiful Amazon girl replied, "He had been working out for a while, and said he needed it badly."  
  
"Oh, I'm quite sure he needed to refresh, but you *do* realize that there ARE no men's showers here?"  
  
"Then where has he been going?" The younger woman enquired. The elder sighed once again.  
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A redhead with a pigtail and mustache in overalls walked through the corridor to the control room as 'he' was directed. A tall and slightly anal retentive man with horns cut the redhead off.  
  
"And what is your business here, sir?"  
  
"Uh, I was to be brought on for maintance. Gotta make sure everything's good and ready for the big event, don'tcha know?" Ranma replied in a heavily faked Irish accent.  
  
"I wasn't aware of any required maintnance..."  
  
"Well, it be King Oni that sent me, ye know? He be very important that everyt'ng be going, uh, Irish fresh!"  
  
The man looked closely at Ranma," And what Earthen nationality are you supposed to be?"  
  
"Uh, Irish?" Ranma replied, sweating a bit.  
  
"I didn't know the Irish were so pale," was the reply, as the man started to narrow his eyes.  
  
"Uh, it's a skin condition, I'm rather sensitive about it."  
  
"Really, what, may I ask, is it called?"  
  
"Um, bleach?"  
  
"What happened to your 'accent'?"  
  
"Ah, don'tcha know? Heh, heh..."  
  
"[Oh brother, you're an idiot, you know that Saotome?]"  
  
"Who said that?" The other man demanded.  
  
"Ah, it be other worker crew!"  
  
"There wasn't a crew cleared for today!"  
  
"Er, yes there was?"  
  
"No, I don't believe there was!"  
  
"Yes there was!"  
  
"No, I am sure there wasn't!"  
  
"Yes there was! King Oni did it!"  
  
"King Oni isn't the one that schedules them!"  
  
"It's a special case!"  
  
"You're accent is slipping again."  
  
"Oh, sorry about that," Ranma replied sheepishly, "It be a special case, it is!"  
  
"What is your name?"  
  
"Ah, 'tis, um..."  
  
"Think carefully now," The man replied with a sceptical frown.  
  
"Jackson! It is!"  
  
"Hmm, interesting, I know a bit about Earthen names, and that sounds English to me, not Irish."  
  
"'Tis an Irish name! By me mother's word!"  
  
"No, I'm positive it's English."  
  
"You call'n my mother a liar?" Ranma growled, genuinely upset.  
  
"Accent..."  
  
"You call'n me dear old mother a liar?"  
  
"Something is fishy about this, I shall have to call this in..." The opposing man turned away from Ranma to signal another man with horns to open up communications. Ranma rolled his eyes, and pulled a tazer.  
  
::ZZZACK!!!!::  
  
"Ey! THIS MAN BE NARCOLEPTIC!" Ranma shouted out, glad that the man he zapped wasn't one of the electric wielders, as everyone's attention was drawn to him and the twitching man on the ground, "I cannae wait for him to be wak'n up, who's second in command here?"  
  
"I am," A scrawnier looking man with horns approached Ranma, "Uuhhhh, what ca-can I do-do for y-you?"  
  
"I'm almost done with the maintance, I just be need'n to know where ye remote self destruct device be hidden so I can check it."  
  
"Ummm, y-you ne-need clearance for..."  
  
"SHOW ME WHERE THE DAMN REMOTE DETONATOR DEVICE IS BEFORE I DO SOMETHING RASH!!!!" The redhead replied, lifting the man up with her left hand.  
  
"Y-your ac-accent is sl-slipping..."  
  
"SHOW ME WHERE THE BLEED'N DEVICE IS BEFORE I BE GETT'N NASTY!!!!"   
  
"Uh, r-right he-here..." the scrawny second-in-command gave in with the threat of bodily harm.  
  
"Ach! Der' it be!" Ranma replied, taking it from the cradle it rested on, "An' t'er be the problem, you betcha!"  
  
"Th-there be the p-problem?"  
  
"Aye, it nae corresponds with FCC regulation that it recieve all interferance! Ye' best be glad I caught this beforehand! Could get messy, ye' know?"  
  
"I... s-see."  
  
"Good now, I best be off! Top o' de morn' to ye!"  
  
"Bu-but it's la-late aftern-noon..." Ranma just kept walking.  
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"WHERE ON EARTH AM I NOW?!?" Ryoga screamed through his facial bandannas, "I could have sworn the men's showers were around here somewhere!" The lost traveler turned to see a large crowd of people lining up on the side of a festively decorated street, axiously awaiting something.  
  
"Um, excuse me, can you tell me where the men's showers are?"  
  
"Uh, the bath house is just down the street, if that's what you mean," a helpful bystander offered.  
  
"Oh, I see, thank you!" Ryoga turned the opposite direction the gentleman had pointed him, and met with a familiar mop of red hair, "Oh, excuse me miss I..."  
  
"You shouldn't be excuse wierdo, with that bandanna covering... your..." Ranma's blood turned cold in realization, "Uh, can't stop to chat, must be going now! Bye!"  
  
"HOLD IT! RANMA!" Ryoga shouted, giving chase to the frantically running woman.  
  
"Nabiki, we have a slight situation..."  
  
"[What now? I'm watching TV,]" Nabiki replied tiredly.  
  
"Ryoga's alive!"  
  
"[Well, your shoddy worksmanship.]" came the reply, "[Just stab him or something!]"  
  
"Hmm, why didn't I think of that?" Ranma replied, reaching for her sword that was hidden away. Before she could draw it, a whistling sound was descending upon her.  
  
The redhead jumped out of the way in time for the bomb drove through the building roof.  
  
"Lousy terrain construction jobs," A redhead mumbled, crawling out of the hole, she turned a serious look towards a dumbfounded Ranma and Ryoga, "Ranma Saotome, by jurisdiction granted upon me by the Space Patrol Police Force, you are under arrest for mass homicide!"  
  
"Uh... Nabiki?" The redhead asked in a slightly timid voice.  
  
"[Deal with it, I'm busy.]" Nabiki replied coldly while fighting a moan, a buzzing noise could be heard through the comm.  
  
"So.. Ryoga... friend of yours?" Ranma-chan enquired nervously, as both fighters slowly stalked her. Ranma fiddled with the remote in her hands, and saw the parade advancing up the street with King Oni, Princess Lum, Prince Ataru, and various other wierdos taking up the rear.  
  
The redhead then looked up in the air, and grimaced; there was only so much time before the window of oppurtunity closed.  
  
"Okay, you two, let's make this quick." Ranma-chan replied, taking out her Saotome Honor sword.  
  
Ryoga took a stance, while the redhead woman with a wire frame bustier hunched over and prepared for comfrontation... 


	5. Chapter 4 'Lum; The Final Battle'

RANMA KILLS THE TAKAHASHI UNIVERSE!!!!  
Finale  
  
  
  
This isn't good.  
  
Ryoga was an unpleasant surprise that I wouldn't have minded indulging in (and being more thorough) about during some other time, but not when I already have business to attend. Now this crazy redhead chick falls from the sky, nearly flattening me in the process, and declares me under arrest.  
  
I can see a good deal down the street, King Oni's rather massive and elaborate float coming down the street from the east, and entering the shadow of the massive flying saucer that's nearly covering all of the downtown Tombiki area.  
  
Problem number three; I'm going to have to stall until everything is in position. Nabiki isn't going to be any help in this one, even if she was paying attention. Checking my watch, it's five till three; I have thirty-five minutes before I have to catch my favorite show on TV...  
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"Okay, you two, let's make this quick." Ranma-chan replied, taking out her Saotome Honor sword.  
  
Ryoga took a stance, while the redhead woman with a wire frame bustier hunched over and prepared for comfrontation. Ranma turned to the woman wearing a wire bustier over what seemed more like a bathing suit than a battle outfit.  
  
"Hey, if you're really from outter space, what gives you the juridiction to take me in here on Earth?"  
  
"The Galaxy Federation is authorized by all sentient planets visited to operate and intervine during extreme cases," Maris recited, pointing a finger.  
  
"Well, if it's okay and all..." Ranma started, before blurring towards her. The woman barely had time to gasp at the speed displayed, while Ryoga also blurred to intercept the pigtailed woman.  
  
Ranma pointed the tip of her blade into the abdomen of the woman, intending to run her through and take the devil she didn't know out of the fight early. Ranma didn't expect her blade to buckle, then break in half upon impact.  
  
The pigtailed woman paused in shock at the destroyed Saotome honorblade, giving Ryoga a chance to attack himself. Ranma-chan was sent head overheels sideways from the heavy and brutal blow from her blindside, sending her off the roof and into an alley down below.  
  
Before pursuit, Ryoga turned a very concerned look to the other woman that Ranma had attacked, "I'm fine, just stop her before she gets away!" Maris commanded, running to the edge of the roof and leaping down. Ryoga looked astonished that the woman never even seemed to feel the attack, and followed  
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Ranma bounced off the wall she was heading for, leaving an indenture in it, and riccochet into the alley among the trash. Ryoga certainly hadn't lost his strength, not by a long shot. The pigtailed girl checked her watch, and estimated about two minutes before she could press the button on the self-destruct device. She pulled the device out and began to slip into the Umisenken, just as the other redhead landed in the alley looking for her.  
  
Unfortunatly, Ryoga landed also, and found Ranma-chan immidiately. Once again catching Ranma off-guard, The bandanna-clad man performed a crescent kick that knocked the remote self destruct device from her hand.  
  
"HOW?!" Was all Ranma could get out, before she was uppercut high into the air by Maris, crashing into a wall about twenty feet in the air. Ranma started to peel herself off, right when she saw Ryoga in front of her, with his leg raised to kick her through the building, and possibly several others beyond that.  
  
Ranma-chan parried the kick with one of her own, and then pushed off the wall at an angle to the ground. "HIRYUU SHOTEN HA!"  
  
Ryoga's modified version rebounded off the wall of the building that his opponent was against, and head for the retreating target. Ranma's fall was given extra force, causing her to land wrong, and crash into the building on the other side of the alley head first.  
  
Before Ranma could even get her bearings straight, she felt herself lifted into the air to face an angry looking redhead. The pigtailed girl kept her head, as she reached behind her.  
  
"AAH!!!" Maris failed to drop Ranma, as she hoped, even while fighting the effects of the pepper spray straight into the eyes. Ranma had to slip out of her shirt in order to escape, and landed on her sprained ankle, causing her to faulter.  
  
"RANMAAAAA THIS IS THE FINAL BLOW!" Ryoga shouted, while charging straight at his intended victim. Ranma-chan pulled out a hand-sized backage, and threw it against the wall. It exploded into a black cloud that Ryoga was forced to charge in, while Ranma skipped backwards in a zig-zag on her good leg to gain some vantage distance.  
  
A gust blew forth, clearing the black powder smokescreen, revealing Ryoga still charging forth with his right fist raised. Ranma-chan barely managed to parry it, and grimaced just from the redirected energy. Ryoga was much, MUCH stronger than before, he was probably as fast as Ranma was now in girl form even, and he was using Amazon techniques. Any direct confrontation with him was just a death wish.  
  
Ranma-chan spun away from the second punch Ryoga attempted to deliver, and threw her elbow backwards into his gut. As Ryoga doubled over slightly, the pigtailed girl skipped foward as if she had slipped, and kicked up her good leg while tucking her bad leg's knee to her chest. Ranma delivered a bicycle toe kick to Ryoga's stomach, forcing him to bend down more, as she landed on her back. Ranma-chan then planted her right hand on the ground, going into a one handed-hand stand and thrusting her left foot into Ryoga's jaw, launching him several yards away.  
  
Ranma kicked herself back to standing, and saw the detonator a few yards away from her. She dove at the device, only to find a truck fall in front of her, cutting off her path. Ranma now knew the other woman was not only impervious, but super strong to boot.  
  
Before Ranma could contemplate, her head snapped back, as she was slammed into from behind by Ryoga. Ranma rolled away from from the lost man, and delivered a swiping kick to him while laying on her side. Ryoga was sent back towards the other woman, who was waiting to take away the slack if Ryoga was felled away.  
  
Ranma almost sighed in relief that the woman wasn't super fast, and pulled out several throwing daggers which she launched at her dual opponents. Maris quickly brought her arms up to her face to block the projectiles, while Ryoga picked them out of the air almost at his leasure, and then returned them back to sender along with twice as many bandannas.  
  
Ranma dodged the first few that reached her, and grabbed one of the bandannas out of the air and smacked any that came close to her down. The volley was only a distraction, as Ryoga was once again close enough for hand to hand combat. The young man drove his knee into the topless woman's sternum, launching her backwards against the overturned truck, and through it.  
  
"NO!" Maris cried out, "NOW SHE CAN GET THAT DEVICE SHE WAS SO WORRIED ABOUT!" Ryoga didn't understand what the other woman was shouting about, but ran to meet Ranma again, anyhow.  
  
Ranma almost cried out in joy when she saw the self destruct device. She picked it up, and pressed the button.  
  
"[You are out of range]," A digitized femenine voice stated from the control, "[Please move within an Earth mile of the vessel for proper detonation. Thank you]."  
  
"WHAT?" Ranma looked at the space saucer, and estimated that it was at least three-forths of a mile in the air.  
  
"BAKUSAI TENKETSU!!!!!" Ranma looked up to see the ground under the truck explode, and the truch launch into the air on an arc to land on her. The redhead skittered out of the way before getting flattened, and started to limp-run closer. She wasn't able to get far, as Ryoga was suddenly in front of her, delivering a powerful thrust kick to her mid section.  
  
Maris caught the girl flying towards her by the shoulders, "Give up, you can't win."  
  
"GIVE UP?" Ryoga shouted, while charging, "RANMA DIES TODAY!!!!"  
  
"WAIT! WE JUST CAN'T KILL..." Maris started, right as Ranma-chan dislocated her shoulders, and flipped herself over Maris, while her arms rotated at an unhealthy fashion. Ryoga wasn't able to stop the punch, as it slammed into his ally. Maris's eyes went wide, she *felt* that! The intergalactic police officer let go of Ranma-chan's shoulders, and doubled over in pain. "HEY! WATCH THE BUSTIER, YOU JERK!"  
  
"So, you CAN be hurt!" Ranma exclaimed, rotating her shoulders back into proper alignment; they felt painful and weak, but they were still functional.   
  
Ranma ran to the direction of the ship, and leapt onto the rooftops. Not too much further behind her, two would be subduers kept their chase. The pigtailed woman bounded from one roof, and turned in the air, "MOUKU TAKABISHA!"  
  
Ryoga was just about to brace his foot for a leap, when Ranma's attack slammed into the front of the building. Without a stable foundation, Ryoga was sent tumbling into the crumbling debris. Maris was a good distance from where the building started to falter, and leapt from her position in a tremendous bound that carried her all the way over to Ranma-chan,; tackling her in the air.  
  
Both women went crashing through a couple of buildings, before skidding on the ground. The redhead at the bottom got the worse of it, having took the brunt of the impact, leaving the pigtailed girl's head swimming.  
  
Maris stood up and smirked, and was about to speak, before noticing her strength regulating bustier was severed from the airborne tackle. With a screech, she curled up into kneeling, concerned about moving.  
  
"RANMA! I'LL MAKE YOU PAY FOR TAKING HER MODESTY, AKANE'S DEATH, AND THE SLAUGHTER OF INNOCENT LIVES!!!" Ryoga dove at Ranma-chan, raising his hands to the sides, "AMAZON FINAL TECHNIQUE; HEAVENLY RAGE!"  
  
Ranma's eyes almost popped out of her head, as Ryoga's aura suddenly expanded, and the air suddenly warped in the area, causing a visual disurbance, just before everything went white...  
  
  
In the distance, several people turned to the sight of a seemingly white explosion.  
  
"Darling-cha, what was that?"  
  
Ataru shrugged, and continued to manuever his hand between his wife's legs.  
  
"Hmm, What an impressive light show!" King Oni exclaimed, waving a victory fan with the emblem of his race on it  
  
"Should that be closer to us-cha?" Lum enquired, while idly pumping gigawatts of electricity into her husband for his improper public behavior.  
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Ryoga landed, among the charred rubble, and smirked in victory, "Heh, Ironic that the same technique you failed to save Akane from, be the one that destroys you, Ranma."  
  
Ranma came from behind the wall he had dove behind, "Yeah, pretty ironic."  
  
"WHAT? IMPOSSIBLE!" both Ryoga and Maris exclaimed; Maris herself at full strength found the energy expelled almost overwhelming. As it was, it left her feeling pretty weak from being at close range  
  
"It's amazing what a sturdy wall can do for you!" Ranma exclaimed, while pulling out the remote self-destruct device. She looked up to the space ship that was hovering directly overhead of her, "Now, back to business." The pigtailed woman pressed the button. And then pressed it again. And again.  
  
"[Your signal has been jammed. Please refer to owners manual for assistance, thank you.]"  
  
Maris grinned smugly at the shock on the other woman's face, "I overheard you earlier, and had my partner contact the Oni vessel and warn them."  
  
"You... you mean...?" Ranma felt a cold settle over her.  
  
Ryoga's expression also turned smug, "Game's over, Ranma, you lost!"  
  
The topless woman fell to her knees, "But.... but..."  
  
"Now, just stand still and die, Ranma," Ryoga charged up for a final retributing attack to finish the murderer off.  
  
"But..." Ranma babbled, before her eyes focused again, "but I also planted a shitload of TNT!" The pigtailed woman pulled out a second remote detonation device.  
  
Ryoga paused in his energy building with a puzzled expression, while Maris's eyes grew wide. "TNT? Where?" Ryoga asked, curiously. Ranma-chan smiled brightly, and pointed upwards above them. She then pressed her thumb on the detonator she now held...  
  
And pressed her finger to it again...  
  
And again...  
  
Ryoga let out a laugh of triumph, while Maris visibly relaxed. The float that held Ranma's primary targets was now well out from under the space ship's shadow. It was over, Ranma had lost.  
  
"Juuuuuuust kidding!" Ranma-chan chirped, and then pressed the button, actually making it go in this time...  
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Everyone in the parade looked up at the sounds of explosions. Everyone had thought them just to be fireworks, and didn't really pay it any mind.  
  
Until they noticed, far too late, that the space ship was descending.  
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"NOOOOO!!!!!!" Maris screamed out. Even if she was near invunerable, she had been already considerably weakened. She didn't think she could survive such a large vessel landing on her at the moment. She stood up and started to run, only to end up putting her foot into the ground, tripping her  
  
"RANMA! IF WE DIE! I'LL MAKE IT MY LAST ACT TO ENSURE YOUR REIGN OF TERROR ENDS HERE!!!!" Ryoga launched himself at Ranma with the intent of a suicide strike.  
  
Ranma gambled, and dashed into Ryoga. She breathed out deeply, and spun tightly. Ryoga's attack was parried to the outside, leaving the redhead in his defences. Ranma-chan hooked her leg behind Ryoga's, and put her shoulder into his chest, causing both of them to tumble over. Ranma pulled out what was left of the Saotome Honor Sword in a reverse grip, and used it to run Ryoga through the chest and pin him to the ground.  
  
Ranma didn't even look back at Ryoga struggling to pull himself back up, and ignored Maris's pleas for help. Ranma ignored the pain of her ankle as she ran faster and harder than she had in the longest time. Above her, the taller buildings crumbled under the descending flying saucer, while just beyond the buldings behind her, there were many screams of terror.  
  
The Redhead concentrated on dodging the falling rubble, just almost from under the space ship. When it was little less than thirty feet in the air, Ranma had cleared it.  
  
With a heartful leap, Ranma dove, just as the force of the final explosion, the one that leveled Tombiki completely, sent her flying .  
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Ranma woke up with her head fogged up. She barely was concious, as she pulled herself to her feet, and turned around and observed the wreckege. She did it. She completed her final mission. She smiled to herself, just as a bullet clipped her in her good leg, and in her right side.  
  
"Wha?" Ranma-chan breathed out, and turned over to find Nabiki standing over her, with a smirk and a gun in her hand.  
  
"Good job Ranma, mission is almost complete!"  
  
"Almost?" Ranma repeated, "What do you mean?"  
  
"You know? Back when you told me I was a shallow character?" Nabiki continued conversationally, ignoring the redhead's question.  
  
"What about it?"  
  
Nabiki's face formed a frown, "That hurt my feelings. But anyway, I decided at the time to take your advice, and now I developed into a backstabbing, vengeful, and patient, and raged filled personality. You should be proud at the way I kept it festering within."  
  
"Uh, was I just not good enough in the sack?" Ranma-chan asked, trying to wrap her muddled brain around the situation.  
  
"Actually, I'm going to miss that," Nabiki said with a somber and wistful tone, before shaking her head, "Anyway, to answer your first question, the mission isn't complete until *every* weirdo is gone."  
  
"Wha? Where?" Nabiki gestured with her gun, and tilted her head to the side.  
  
"Now, you managed to escape getting crushed, but I doubt even you can escape a bullet with two bad legs at point blank while you're so weak." Ranma had to admit, that was true.  
  
Nabiki's eyes narrowed, and she pulled the trigger.  
  
::BAM BAM!!!::  
  
**The End** 


End file.
